why i feel like i'm never doing enough

September 4, 2022 (2y ago)

sick views from my bedroom window in seattle

sick views from my bedroom window in seattle

i realized this summer i have a super toxic relationship with always wanting to be busy.

sometimes i feel like i’m doing too much. but when i have nothing to do, i immediately feel like i am doing too little.

however, im now slowly learning that it’s okay to just do nothing sometimes.

this last year has been super f***ing busy. literally just this last month:

  • worked full time with my co-op @ amazon
  • TA’d two different courses
  • took a class
  • interview prepped for the new recruiting season
  • went to seattle, connecticut, maryland, atlanta, jersey, philly, miami, france, sweden, luxembourg all while still working and doing school
  • worked on a bunch of side projects i have in the works

that doesn’t include just hanging out with friends, gf (a whole another job), working out, and all the other things you gotta do to live life.

please don’t think i’m complaining about going to all these places and doing all these things because i’m super grateful and thankful i have had the opportunity/privilege to do them, but just sitting and doing nothing for a week sounds so nice.

i realize that i've been overbooking myself without letting my mind catch up. this “hustle culture” mentality eventually leads to burnout... and i definitely feel it. it’s honestly counterproductive to do so many things at once because you end up doing a lot of things shittier than doing a few things really well. i’ve been trying to counteract this by planning things i want to do in advance so i can focus on a few things and try to get them done as best as i possibly can do.

you know what i realize though. it’s OKAY not to do a million things and be a well-oiled high functioning machine. it’s okay to just get high as f*** and binge an entire season of boondocks in a day. its okay to go out with your friends and dance all night. its okay to just obliterate zombies in call of duty. it’s okay to just relax and let your mind off all the responsibilities you may have.

obviously you have to find your balance, and each person’s definition of balance may be different depending on their goals. some people might need a few hours every night, or some people might need just a day every week. i’ve started choosing a random day in the week to do absolutely f***ing nothing AND IT'S GREAT. you should too (unless you've done nothing the entire week, then get your ass up and do something lol). stay driven but also stay CHILLIN 🕺🏽

cya later papis ❤️ - fk

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